Since ive posted anything on here. I’ve been pretty wrapped up in a world of positivity, and haven’t had the time to scour the internet for hilarious bullshit, so if you see anything you think i might get a kick out of kicking the shit out of, please sumbit it, or shoot me an email.
peace, love, and nasty attitudes,
Keat
“So, like guize, we were going to give you an official PSA about how you can help with the BP oil spill, or some other important and worldly topic telling you how to make a positive and profound difference in the world around you….but we like…dont give a fuck…so if you dont give a fuck, like twitter us and we can @reply each other about how awesome it is to be useless blobs of fake hair.
DGAFF BITCHEZ.”
OH shut the fuck up miley, don’t even try and act like you know who Bowie is. I know you picked your whole outfit out on Dirty Little Style Whore…..and the whole nappy roots thing died with Shakira’s first release…but hey, from what I hear, you’ve got a bunch of Dirty Laundry to hang!
Alright, alright, I know I know, I have seriously been lacking on my hatred for all things stupid with brightly colored hair lately. I apologize. Good thing I’m still an asshole and therefore have a bunch to catch up on!
Dear Haley Paramore. I see you in that American Apparel Too Short Tube Dress in Raspberry that matches your hair color…or at least your hair color circa Twilight. Well, I have some unfourtunate news for you. Raspberry may match your hair wonderfully, but it really clashes with your nipples. I’d recommend maybe going back to orange, or at least something with *~earthier*~ tones. I think it’ll bring out the best for any future n00d “leaks”
-xx
Now that that little note is out of the way, we can move on to a more pressing issue. BP. No, you stupid fucking Hot Topic asshole, not the “Black Parade” (okay, well maybe the black parade of ducks), I mean the giant tube in the ocean jetting out semi liquid smog. Dont you guys really think it’s cramping the scenes’ style?! Stealing our colors (black) and our attitude (polluting), and even taking up twitter. I mean what the fuck #BPcares what is that fucking hashtag. Seriously, GOD.
I’m waiting for Peepee Wentz to write a “deep” post on Tumblr, about how he doesn’t want his child, whose initials are that of a car, living in a world that is so polluted. WHOAH IRONY.
and on that note, Goodnight.
Keat
ps, LOL @ Cute Is What We Aim For trying to stay relevant. Good look with that Shaant. IDGAF if you got a normal person haircut, you’re a let down, and it doesnt even matter how far down you can go.
Dont get me wrong… All Time Low! Keep doing what you are doing because you are making bank, your branding/marketing/advertising team on the last record was phenomenal. I respect where you have come from….. But….
“Jack is just a hyperactive monkey, but the fact that he doesn’t play live is pretty…
oh but they don’t need to actually play to still look cute. All that hard work and genuine kind of shit is just too much. Why should anyone actually care about the band youve poured your heart and soul into when there is a label or something pouring glitz and glamour into something half assed? LETZ B REAL NAO
If you’ve been going to shows since myspace was still a relevant website, I’m sure you remember getting numerous requests from Sunday Night Scene, the 30 year old troll that called himself a “band” and would totes trade pc4pc and s2r noods with you on your sidekick II.
I thought that like much of the bands you only knew about from their overly friendly messages and incessant friend requests, Sunday Night Scene was long since dead…considering that I don’t think he ever successfully toured (I mean what do you expect when your mom has to drive you to all of your shows, even though youre over the age of 16).
Today, thanks to twitter, I was notified that in fact this tool is still around and kickin’…and has a whole slew of hot topic dates lined up. Man, that is so sad…i think i would rather listen to Ashland High, Trace Cyrus’s new “ghettotech” project than this load of crap….like dont you get it dude? You’re so irrelevant I didnt even know you were still making “music”, your “music” sucks donkey dick, and on top of it all, you look like you got hit by a mack truck, so i dont even enjoy looking at you. I think its time you get a day job…I heard Dunkin Donuts is hiring!
“Picture by Lindsay Lohan”
Literally. This is too funny. And kinda mean.
So all week, Brandon (middle) has been joking about how funny it would be to humble a pretty known celebrity by going up to them with camera in hand and saying something like, “hey, can I ask you a favor?”
…Of course they’re going to assume you just want to take a picture with them. But that’s when you say “Can you take a picture OF my friends and I?” aka, he’d just be asking them to BE a photographer FOR US… like he has absolutely no idea who they are. Welp, his opporuntiy came up last night when we ran into Lindsay Lohan at H.wood. I couldn’t believe he did it, but he came through and here’s the photo. She almost didn’t take it because she was so thrown at the fact that we weren’t wanting a picture with her. She paused for a good bit and even asked her friend if we were really serious, then finally took it. So thanks Lindsay! Who knew on top of it all she’s also a brilliant photographer!
HAH! A+
Oh man, we are s0 edgy. our video is so intense that its NSFW. We aren’t a pop punk band with a 15 year old fanbase, no way, we are RAW dude, WE ARE FUCKING HARD.
X MAYDAY X PARADE X
those 3 x’s arent for straightedge brah, theyre for SEXXXXXX cause we got teens to do it and make you really painfully uncomfortable in our video.
Pushing boundaries, dood.
i wonder how many of you that hate Nickelback can give me valid reasons for your dislike of them…and you cant say it’s because they’re on the radio, or that their lyrics suck because I’m sure if it was some cutesy popsy Acceptance/Eye Alaska type band wrote them youd love em. and go
ITS CHAD KREUGAR. everything about him. I mean really, what is there to like?
His name? No. It sounds like that nasty noodle dish that someone always brings to thanksgiving but nobody eats.
His voice? No. It sounds like that creepy dude sitting in his pickup trying to pick YOU up when you go to buy a pack of cigarettes from the gas station….complete with an open can of beer in his cupholder. Nobody wants to listen to Pedobear’s band. I am sorry. No.
His hair? No. It looks like pasta with too much oil on it.
His FACIAL hair? NO NO NO. IT DOESNT EVEN MATCH THE BADLY DYED HAIR ON HIS HEAD.
I am sorry Chad Kugel, you are just a giant bundle of fail. I dont even know what your lyrics are, because i cant even understand you underneath all that throat goo you have from all those Snus you suck on, but it doesn’t really matter. Until i turn into a 45 year old man from a state between Virginia, Florida, or Texas (just imagine that section of our country was colored in red on the map as NICKELBACK LAND), I will not like Nickelback.
